Why Are You Having the Same Performance Conversation Over and Over?

If you’re having the same performance conversation with an employee every few months… and nothing is changing… this episode is for you.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: If you keep repeating yourself, the conversation probably wasn’t finished the first time.

Too often, managers:

• Hint instead of clarify
• Vent instead of coach
• Assume instead of define
• Get frustrated instead of structured

In this episode, I break down:

• Why vague conversations lead to repeated frustration
• The real reason employees may not know they’re underperforming
• The 5 things every performance conversation must include
• Why documentation isn’t about discipline — it’s about clarity
• How to stop managing by emotion and start leading with structure

Reflection Questions:

• Have I clearly defined expectations in writing?
• Have I set measurable timelines?
• Have I followed up before frustration returned?
• Or am I recycling the same vague conversation?

If you want behavior to change, your conversation needs clarity, accountability, and follow-up.

Until next week — lead with confidence, focus on your people, and let’s build a better business.

Leadership training isn't only for the C Suite.  All members of your team can benefit from training. My Mindful Leader Experience can be tailored to any group. Everyone benefits from learning self-awareness, how to communicate better, time management skills, and goal setting skills. Learn more about the program:

 https://www.lftconsult.com/themindfulleader

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 https://www.lftconsult.com/leadership-book

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:34

And build a business that actually works for you and your team. So whether you're in the office, on the job site, or just grabbing your first cup of coffee, let's just start your week so you can lead better, work smarter, and build a better business. If you're having the same performance conversation with an employee over and over again, it's probably not their fault. It's probably yours. Stay with me here. Because I'm not saying they're performing well. I'm not saying the issue isn't real. I'm not saying you don't have a problem. What I am saying is this, if you keep revisiting the same performance issue every few months and nothing changes, that usually means the conversation was never actually finished. And today I want to talk about why that happens and how we can fix it. So grab your cup of coffee and let's dive in. Now I recently got a call from a client who's ready to terminate an employee. This is a call I get quite often. They tell me the employee has been falling short for almost a year, missing deadlines, incomplete work, and poor follow-through. And when I ask, how have you addressed their performance? I get crickets. Well then maybe I get, well, we talked to them, and I say, okay, what did you say? Then I get, well, we told them they need to do better. And I ask, better how? Did you define the gap? Did you set a measurable expectation? Did you put it in writing? And did you set a follow-up date? Did you check in before frustration returned? And usually what I get is more silence. Here's the hard truth. The employee may not even know they're failing because those conversations you thought you had were not heard how you intended them. Because hinting is not leading, venting is not coaching, and frustration is not a management strategy. Now I know managers don't avoid these conversations because they don't care. They avoid them because they want to be liked, or they're uncomfortable with conflict, or they just assume the employees should know what they're doing wrong. Or no one has ever trained them how to structure a performance conversation. So instead of having one clear, complete conversation, they have six vague ones and then wonder why nothing improves. Here's what usually happens: you get frustrated, you pull the employee into your office and say something like, You're making too many mistakes. I need you to pay better attention. I need more ownership. This can't keep happening. The employee nods, they say, Okay, they leave your office, and then nothing changes. Why? Because you skipped a few steps in the conversation. There are five things every performance conversation should include. The first one clearly, specifically define the problem. Miss deadlines and incomplete paperwork. State the gap. Here's the expectation, here's what's happening, and here's the impact. An example of this. The expectation is that purchase orders are submitted within twenty four hours. Over the last two months, five have been late. That delays scheduling and affects the field team. That conversation is clear, observable, measurable, no emotion, no character attack, no vague frustration, just the specifics. Many managers skip step number three. They tell someone they're falling short, but they never define what success looks like. You need to tell the employee what behavior needs to change, what if any standards apply, and when you expect to see improvement. An example starting today, purchase orders must be submitted within 24 hours, and we'll review this again in 30 days. If you don't include a timeline, there's no accountability. Then, step number four, ask them is there anything preventing them from meeting your expectation? Asking this gives them a chance to express any concerns, lack of resources, or if any training is needed. And step number five, this is where leadership either happens or it doesn't. Document what was said and agreed upon. Documentation is not about building a case, it's about providing clarity. Send the employee a simple email or give them a piece of paper. Per our conversation today, we discussed missed deadlines. The expectation is this. We agreed that by this date this will be corrected, and we're gonna follow up again on this date. Keep it professional, keep it clear, keep it specific. And then here's the magic. You actually have to follow up before you get frustrated again. Follow up with them. Ask them, how's it going? Are there any obstacles? Do you need any resources? Asking these questions is leadership. Waiting until you're annoyed again is not. After you've had a performance discussion with an employee, ask yourself, have I clearly defined expectations in writing? Have I set measurable timelines? Have I followed up before frustration returned? Or am I just recycling the same vague conversation? And here's the hard question. Have I avoided structure because I'm uncomfortable? Discomfort doesn't disappear when you avoid it. It just compounds the issue. If you want behavior to change, your conversation with the employee needs clarity, accountability, and follow-up, along with documentation. Thanks for joining me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please hit the follow button so you don't ever miss an episode. Until next week, lead with confidence, focus on your people, and let's build a better business.